Some vampire movies are classics ('Nosferatu.') Some are scary ('Martin.') Some are class ('Let the Right One In.') Some are camp ('Bram Stoker's Dracula.') Some are cool ('Near Dark.') Some are epic ('Interview with the Vampire.') Some are badass ('Blade.') Some are fun ('The Lost Boys.') Some are hip ('From Dusk Till Dawn.') Some are glittery-sh*t-on-a-stick ('Twish*te.') And this? This is just trying to be everything. But, in Abraham Lincoln's famous rephrasing of poet John Lydgate's words: "You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time."
Director Timur Bekmambetov ('Night Watch,' 'Day Watch,' and 'Wanted') throws everything at the screen - and I mean everything. At one point a vampire lobs a horse at our lanky pre-Presidential hero (Benjamin Walker - looking like a young Liam Neeson.) He chucks a horse at him! Seriously. Remember the train action set-piece in 'Wanted'? Well, it's here again, only this time it's a steam-train plummeting from a wooden bridge. Only the bridge is collapsing. And it's on fire. And it's teeming with vampires. Like 'Snakes on a Plane' before it (remember how much we B-movie fans looked forward to 'SoaP' merely on the strength of the title?), 'Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' fails to deliver largely because Bekmambetov, producer Tim Burton, and screenwriter Seth Grahame-Smith (here adapting his own novel), forgot to develop a decent script. It's a hodgepodge, leaping from Abe's early years to his stint as America's 16th President, the Civil War and the emancipation of the slaves - whilst leaving little to no room to pause for breath, character development or even to establish a decent villain.
If ever a movie deserved to begin "Based on a true story" - this is it. Strangely, however, it doesn't. What it does is to follow a hackneyed origin cliche of Abe's quest for revenge after his mum is bit. The tall guy meets his mentor, Henry Sturges - (Dominic Cooper - who was so good in 'The Devil's Double' but is far less convincing here.) Abe undergoes a 'Rocky'-style music training montage. Suddenly he's a whizz with an axe, flinging his silver-coated chopper about like Bruce Lee's nunchaku. Abe's just an ordinary dude on a quest for revenge -only now he can chop through trees with a single axe-swish and fight-off super-strong fanged foe as though imbued with Hulk's green rage. This is explained away by Sturges spouting Yoda-style mentor platitudes, like: "Power comes from truth not hate" or some such bull.
This then is a movie determined to have its cake, spin it around in the air 'Matrix'-style, chop it up with an axe, shoot it and eat it. Playing fast and loose with history is one thing, but the movie completely rejigs vampire lore. Thankfully they don't sparkle, but these vamps are impervious to sunlight - yet vulnerable to silver bullets (wait, um... isn't that werewolves?)
Ok, maybe I'm being too harsh. After all, the film opens with Lincoln's voiceover stating that "History prefers legends to men" - and cinema audiences prefer super-duper action heroes slaughtering train-car loads of vampires to well-wrought scripts, right? I mean, it's a comic-book style story after-all? Look at the freakin' title, dude! It's a joke! True, but this is a one-note joke and more to the point - it ain't funny. The script lacks humour, replacing it with hints at a troubling revision of US history wherein slavery was something that vampires kept alive so as to provide a ready food source... In fact the only coloured actor with anything to do is Anthony Mackie as Will, Abe's boyhood friend - and to say he's under-utilised is an insult to under-utilisation. Similarly wasted is Abe's love interest, Mary Todd - the superb Mary Elizabeth Winstead (who was so great in 'The Thing' and 'Scott Pilgrim.') Winstead, along with Erin Wasson's "Vadoma" (the obligatory sexy-femme-fatale-vampire-in-tight-leather/PVC-pants), has little to do other than pout and occasionally gaze lovingly at her lanky Lincoln lover.
So, whilst women and people with dark skin have little to do, the tall white dude is left to save the day in spectacular fashion. And it's in the spectacle that Bekmambetov and the CGI, SFX and 3D-boffins excel. Things explode, gush blood, spin in Sam Peckinpah-style slow-mo, and then speed-up in Guy Ritchie-style and it all looks like a fourteen-year-old boy's wet-dream of a vampire-vanquishing video-game. Some of the visuals are wondrous to behold - the camera zooming in on a battlemap which transforms into a bird's eye-view of the Battle of Gettysburg; motes of burning 3D ash that spin through the cinema before your very eyes... But we were already gobsmacked by dust and ash particles in 'Avatar' and blown away by grand CGI camera moves in 'The Lord of the Rings.' What remains is a patchwork of cliche, rehash and "been-there, seen-that" storytelling which, like 'Snakes on a Plane' before it is fun while it lasts, but forgettable popcorn fare.
Lincoln once famously quipped: "How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg." Calling 'Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter' a great idea doesn't make it anything other than mediocre boy's own fun. Roll on 'Margaret Thatcher: Zombie Dispatcher,' 'Barac Obama: Sith Harmer' and 'John Key: Werewolf Whisperer'...
he was around to rid the world of Twilight fans...
yea that would be cool
unusual movie
Want to watch this one
Just saw it - thanks Flicks Mystery Movie! It's the only movie I've ever seen that has made me want to research American history!
Matrix, Huck Finn, Underworld, Bad Taste, & some facts.. Of cos u wana see it!! :-)
It was great saw it last night, I loved the film.
Weird that they played such a cheesy idea so straight... Nothing to write home about though.
A history lesson with a twist. Worth watching if your a vampire fan
Saw it last night thanks to Flicks mystery movie. Great fun, excellent special effects. Amazing rewrite of the American Civil War!
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter far exceeded my expectations! A ridiculous concept done ridiculously well!
Not too bad but hard to get pass the historial fact about Lincoln.
I loved it - yeah, it was corny, and great fun to boot. Keen to see if again!
It made history interesting. Fact throwing in with action and a vampire twist. This movie is definitely unique.
Was strangely good. Was expecting a dud but it held my interest well.
Much better than the idea deserved to be. Strange concept and not what I would go and see normally but it was ok. very action packed.
Excellent film on the whole. Made me want to research that period of American History. Nicely tied together - go watch!
I really enjoyed it. I loved the 3D aspect. Those are some pretty scary looking vampires.
Surprisingly good movie. Absolutely stunning in 3D, & loved the historical setting with a twist, felt like I was taken back in time.
Saw it last night - thanks flicks! Was not what I expected, played really stratight and lots more drama/slow bits than killing vamps!
Was surprisingly an excellent film! Would highly recommend it to everyone. Just the right amount of horror, history and intrigue!
Was great! One of the better 3D movies i have seen.
A Burton classic, shades of Matrix and Guy Richie influences.A marvelous yarn with elements of fact, and totally believable too. Must see!
Excellent movies love historical stuff bring it on
Umm...no.
Great fun, not what I was expecting but awesome actors and thoroughly enjoyed it, even jumped a couple of times
Loved it! Sherlock meets The Lost Boys. Full of good ole' blood & guts. Great stuff.
Really great film last night. Thanks Flicks! Good mix of action, gore and history. Loved the 3D!
I really enjoyed this movie, even jumped a couple of times, would definately go again...
my daughter went in my place was unable to attend, she stuck it out, but really did not enjoy the movie that much, said it was kind of silly
Groaned when I realised this was the selected film AND in 3d but I was completely surprised. Absolutely loved it! Thanks Flicks!
Not really my kind of movie, vampire slayer... But the use of 3D was good and people who like Slasher movies will enjoy this.
Thanks for the movie preview Flicks but I'm afraid this Gettysburg's a mess!
Definitely one of the best 3D movies I've seen. The graphics and the fight scenes are amazing! I'd definitely see it again.
brilliant!!!
Going to watch this on friday its gonna be soooo sick!!!