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Stoner (22),
Ted, Movie

Ted 2012

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King of American animated comedy Seth MacFarlane (Family Guy) makes his cinematic debut with this R-rated comedy about one man and his foul-mouthed teddy bear. Stars Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis. More

John (Wahlberg) has an unusual best pal - his cherished teddy bear (voiced by MacFarlane) who came to life as the result of a childhood wish, has refused to leave his side ever since, and shares John's enthusiasm for smoking weed and watching Flash Gordon. But when John fears losing his long-time girlfriend Lori (Kunis), he attempts to rid himself of his slacker lifestyle and jump into adulthood, a decision that doesn’t bode well with Ted.

Meanwhile, a creepy father (Giovanni Ribisi, Avatar) and his demanding son express an unhealthy interest in the talking teddy bear… Hide

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365 votes / 71 comments The Talk

  • 90 %

    Want to See it

    What say you?

    • Na me

      you did idiot

    • Kirk

      What a crock of shite

    • Awesome!!!!

      I WANT THIS MOVIE

    • chuckle

      rainy day flick I guess

    • Hoddy

      This is the movie of 2012

    • Amy

      Outstanding!

    • Raul

      Fantastic!

    • Alex

      This looks sooooo good!

    • Hoddy

      Finally a movie that gets my sense of humour

    • merv

      OOOYYYYYEH!

    • Max

      Cant wait to see it. Looks awesome lol

    • Esta*

      LOVE IT!! I can't wait!!

    • Leelee

      Bahahahahahaha! I'm so f'n there!!!

    • Jared

      Something big, what like anal? Looks so good!!!! hahahah

    • Andrea

      Cute cuddly toys and profanity - what's not to like?

    • Magz

      A toking, swearing, rude, fuzzy wuzzy bear ... I am so there!

    • Suicidal

      When did people get so stupid that this was considered entertainment?

    • BornInCaptivity

      If my teddy talked like that i'd wash its mutha effing mouth out p.s. call me a prude but I didn't much like meet the feebles either

    • Tedtedted

      I wish it would come out NOW!

    • jas

      funny movie want to see, haters out there got no sense of humor

    • kirk

      what i suck crock

    • suicidal

      must kill myself and leave this planet so i can keep my crap opinion to my self

    • Adam Scott

      can't wait to see this one !!!

    • lol cakes

      yes!!!!

    • Larissa

      looks awesume cant wait!!!! :-)

    • D F Stuckey

      Walhberg has good comedy timing, and could make this thing work - More than Mel Gibson did :)

    • levi

      another bit of seth macfarlane genius

    • Jeremy

      Can not wait this Trailer is so fuuny at the start it looks like a love but then S hit gets real :P whats not to love a bear swearing Hehehe

    • Matt

      I'm taking my lady to see this, she'll hate it!

    • Hollipop

      I wanna watch this now,im pree immature,but how old are you meant to be to see this movie,i think im old enough but imma not sure

    • kee

      Look great, and funny.! GONNA see it

    • kee

      i ment a up thumb

    • usdiggs

      Cant wait... love the thunder song!!!

    • Loki

      Funny as movie from start to finish.

    • James

      SOOOOOOO SEEING THIS!! :D Looks crack up.

    • Jeff

      This is the first movie I've looked forward to in a long time!

    • Nemo

      R13!!!! that is just insane! but so Amped to see this, can't wait :)

    • Juricz

      Looks epic! can't wait:D

    • LizLemon

      Stewie and Rupert all grown up? Hell yeah!

    • callum

      trailor looks crsck up , love the thunder song

    • Jack Chen

      HAHAHAHAHA

    • Mr G

      Two paws up from me!

    • Tom

      So, it looks like a foul mouthed, stuffed animal with predictably crude and unintelligent gags will win over the hearts of the lower IQ.

    • will

      so funny

    • Rona

      0MG this looklks crack, up far so excited to c it!!!!

    • laho

      CANT WAIT!HURRY UP ALREADY!hahah :D

    • Kevin

      SO LOOKIN FORWARD TO THIS!!!

    • Brett

      POS do not go: http://bretts.tumblr.com

    • LeLe

      f%$k yes, me and my mate are seeing this Thursday x0x

    • Matua

      Hahahahahahahaha I couldn't stop laughing through the whole trailer!!!! Love the thunder song. Must teach my son this hahahahaha.

    • Jack

      yus luckily r13

    • Flynn

      Hell to the yeah. Seth MacFarlane is one of the coolest guys around... Can't wait to see it today ;D

    • Phille

      yeah shout out to m'boy tai :) mishyou && cant wait to watch this witchu

    • Jarvis

      oh dangit, im 12 and this is r13, looking forward to seeing this with ma best mate jay on ma 13th next month :)

    • Maia

      Why did you have to be R13? Stupid -.-

    • Slater

      NGONGOTAHA SOULJAHZ

    • ted

      HAAAALARIOUS!!!!

    • dvjaa

      awesome moovie watch iht!!!!!!!!!!!

    • ted fan

      funny as

    • Stu

      And an awesome bear

    • rawiri te wero

      gong to watch it with my neice jadis

    • T-Roy

      Is this movie restricted age? Want to take the kids there today

    • Mohan

      freaking Awesome

    • hello kitty

      i want to know what time its oming out im 9 and it wont let me see it with my mum if i go to the cinmas cuz im 9 what a shame

    • luke

      ha oh god really want to see

    • LUKE

      I AM 9 BUT DONT CARE WHAT SO EVER PS ON BROTHERS LAPTOP

    • Coral Bearz

      I Want to see it! It looks amusing and entertaining. Just have to make sure my young are in there beds asleep :) lol

    • Bruce

      How can an R13 movie have an R18 trailer ? Doesn't make sense. There can't be R rated stuff in the trailer that is not in the movie !!

    • willow

      i wannnnnnnnaaaa watch it

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Flicks.co.nz Review

Rating:

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comment / reply
James Croot Flicks Writer

Despite the change of medium and method of delivery, Family Guy fans can rest assured that this surprisingly sentimental, superior stoner comedy offers the same combination of envelope-shredding humour, 80s and 90s pop culture references and stunt celebrity cameos. A 'buddy movie' version of Drop Dead Fred, Ted feels like a cross between Short Circuit, You, Me and Dupree and The Wedding Singer, but with added pot and pooh jokes. More

One of the many Family Guy core cast members on show, Kunis (Friends With Benefits) once again shows how game for a laugh she is, but is sadly left on the sidelines a little, buried in amongst the sexist japes and a somewhat predictable plot. McFarlane certainly gives plenty of life to the tweeting and toking soft toy of the title, but as the character himself acknowledges, his vocals are perhaps too synonomous with Peter Griffin.

That leaves Wahlberg to carry the load, something he does with aplomb, turning his Flash Gordon-obsessed, thunder-fearing thirtysomething into an endearing man child (even if he does disappoint his female fanbase by singularly failing to take off his shirt here). Although certainly more than just bearable, Ted, while stuffed with gags, does occasionally feel a little padded. Hide

The People's Reviews

Rating:

5 ratings and 5 reviews

All reviews (5)

  • AGREE? DISAGREE?...

  • Ashton C

    "Mila Kunis picking up a prostitute's turd" - love it! Cool review, man! Ash

comment / reply

Bear-faced cheek :)

adamatdramatrain Flicks Superstar (?)

'Ted' begins with a pastiche of those Christmas magic Hollywood movie cliches as Patrick Stewart's rich toned narrator states: "Nothing is stronger than a young boy's wish... except an Apache helicopter." If that kind of humour don't rock your canoe, then you might not find the sight of Mila Kunis picking up a prostitute's turd from her carpet funny either... So, move on. That said, if, like me, you're a 'Family Guy' fan, 'Ted' is a treat.

See, I went to see 'Ted' hoping to get a live-action feature-length version of 'Family Guy' - and that's exactly what I got. Seth MacFarlane's big-screen debut contains all the 'Family Guy' traits - silly Broadway show-style tunes; over the top "did they just say that... out loud?!!!" near-the-knuckle racy racist, sexist, homophobic humour that's oh so un-politically correct in a post post (post post) modern ironic kinda way... or is it? Who knows....

There's a host of 'Family Guy' regulars too, from MacFarlane voicing Ted the teddy bear to the gravel-voiced Patrick Warburton, and Mila Kunis as Mark Wahlberg's long-suffering teddy bear burdened girlfriend. 'Community' star Joel McHale pops up as Kunis' smarmy boss and there are a host of A, B and C-list celebrity cameos (um, Sam Jones, the star of 1980 movie 'Flash Gordon'?!) to keep the geek in every fan happy for a week.

The pothead, self-referential humour and pop-culture references come thick n' fast - ('Ted' claiming he doesn't sound like Peter Griffin; 'Cheers' star Ted Danson reminiscing about Woody Harrelson's tiny dick; Wahlberg claiming his 'Star Wars' ringtone is from 'The Notebook' to appease his girlfriend) - and, whilst the scattershot humour may not appeal to all, if you've got a penchant for the surreal, silly, potty-mouthed and un-PC then 'Ted' will have you giggling like Stewie Griffin watching his mother Lois being attacked by a rabid dog named Brian.

There is a plot, but it's little more than an excuse to hang gags from. But then that's no different from 'The Hangover,' 'Due Date,' 'Bridesmaids' or pretty much any Hollywood comedy, right? Basically, 'Ted' is a potty-mouthed bromantic stoner comedy between a guy and his walking, talking, pot-smoking, swearing and bad-taste joking teddy bear...

What's not to love? :)

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comment / reply

Ted - huggable

RealityCheck Flicks Superstar (?)

Great title an thats where the laughing began, not stopping till Patrick Stewart stopped. Seth did a fantastic childish job on this movie, much like 'Something Something Something Darkside' 'It's a Trap' 'Family Guy' 'American Dad', etc, of cause because they're all done by same guy! With a similar story to 'You, Me and Dupree', but chuck in a talking bear! The usual traits of social and pop culture references sprinkled throughout. Really this film is a guy beast, but a funny girl with love it too, is got a love story in it as well, somewhere. One liners all the way through and flowed so well seemed like a tv episode. Cast, crew, everyone did great job, even Ryan Renolds.
Genre : Comedy, fantasy, growth
5/5 : Its perfect for this adult comedy, provided you enjoy Seth MacFarlane's humour, I do (-:

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  • KATE M

    Def a must see movie ! laughed all the way through! Def not suitable for PC people

comment / reply

Hilarious for the Family Guy fan

alexc B-Grader (?)

Amazing one-liners, excellent cameos and a whole lot of "they're not going to go there are they?......"

Has you laughing out loud throughout.

Would highly recommend to fans of Family Guy, but don't bother, if you are easily grossed out or offended.

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Funnier if you're 18 &

DnA Flicks Superstar (?)

This film is mis-rated. Should be a R16. My wife and 18 year old daughter wanted to walk out and give it a 2 but crass. My 13 year old gave it 4 stars.

Lots of funny lines and jokes which is a real plus. If you like Family Guy and would like something a little cruder and derogatory to woman then this would suit you. 18 year olds who get excited seeing breasts or faces ejaculated on would find this up their alley.

The censor got it wrong. He assumed that a teddy bear having sex with some stunning looking lady makes it more acceptable. My biggest problem with the movie is that it is mis-rated.

Sexual references are all over the place particularly the un PC kind. Overall this is a gag reel with a story attached. Well hardly a story.

It's about a guy who's a loser, acts like a prat and not worth the time of day and his loyal girlfriend that should really find another guy. The loser breaks promise after promise and still she doesn't leave. Doormat should be plastered on Mila Kunis head for this movie. Finally after the audience gets to dislike Mark Wahlberg (unless you're 18 in which case he's probably your hero) she dumps him. Only to take him back when he realizes he stuffed up and tells her. Then having got rid of the bear she takes him back as well. The girl in this film is the epitome of stupid. She never liked him because he was a good guy just because he looked good. And finally she takes him back when he has loser tattooed across his head.

I love some of Seth MacFarlane's stuff and I would have been kinder to this film if it had a R16 rating. By kinder 2 1/2 to 3 stars.

Pity really, this could have so easily been a 5 star movie if it took the time to stay out of the gutter, not be so degrading to women and had a better story line. This movie is a celebration of the guy who is a loser and lives life to the full in his own mind.

Personally I think they could have hung the gags around a better script. The crap that Wahlberg dished out went on for too long.

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R13?!

Kat-Rumbal B-Grader (?)

SO the Trailer is R18 but the film is R13!

In saying that, this is the funniest film I have seen all year, what made it great as the actors totally believed in Ted and just acting like it was another human with them. By doing so you bought into the world straight away and fell in love with Ted.

A fantastic Comedy!

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Press Reviews

AV Club (USA)

An incongruously cute interspecies buddy comedy that's powered alternately by the pixie dust of boyhood imagination and the ruder, cruder urges of adolescence. Full review.

Chicago Sun-Times (Roger Ebert)

The plot of is fairly standard but greatly embellished by MacFarlane's ability to establish comic situations and keep them building. Full review.

Hollywood Reporter

Not too many films serve up laughs that just keep on rolling with regularity from beginning to end, but Seth MacFarlane's directorial debut does so and without any feeling of strain. Full review.

Los Angeles Times

To fully appreciate "Ted," it's best to simply forgive its bad behavior upfront and save any apologies for liking it until later. Sorry. Full review.

New York Times

The sin of "Ted" is not that it is offensive but that it is boring, lazy and wildly unoriginal. Full review.

Variety (USA)

A predictably irreverent satire that's sweeter and, sadly, less funny than you might expect. Full review.