With the sixth season of Taskmaster NZ reaching its close and the 20th series of Taskmaster UK booting up, I have taken it upon myself to champion the greatest moments from every contestant in the Aotearoa alternative to the British comedy game show. I will update this list up until the show gets cancelled or I’m dead.
The moments I’ve chosen range from displays of physical prowess, mental agility, lateral thinking, creative fortitude, comedic brilliance, ability to identify a trick, or something outside the realm of talent that nevertheless deserves to be highlighted.
Many will disagree with the choices below. Some may even write to my editor. I will then channel the spirit of Aotearoa’s Taskmaster Jeremy Wells and his assistant Paul Williams and meet all criticisms with palpable indifference.
Here are the best moments from every Taskmaster NZ contestant.
Madeleine Sami saves diplomatic relations between NZ and China (s1 ep2)
A task seemingly designed to get someone cancelled, the contestants had to throw a dart at a globe and make a new national anthem for whatever country it landed on. As a proven musician, this was Madeleine Sami’s task to lose. Even then, it’s hard not to be blown away by her tasteful, triumphant, tripwire-dodging new tune for China that contains the hummable line, “Fuck the Western world, we’re China.”
Angella Dravid is born again (s1 ep4)
Tasked with making a mum proud, three of the contestants chose to showcase minimal athletic abilities while Guy, who’s never smoked, quit smoking. Then came Angella, who opted to re-enact childbirth with Paul as the mother and her as the baby, resulting in two grown adults lying down wet and screaming while the actual mum tried her best to make sense of this golden slab of comedy chaos.
(Mac)Guy(ver) Williams (s1 ep6)
Bucking the trend of being pretty bloody useless on Taskmaster, Guy pulled off a respectable display of competency when he gathered tools which ended up being mostly useless for the next part of his team’s task—transferring soup from one bucket to the other. Respectably, Guy managed to turn a rake handle into an effective soup tube and clutched success from the jaws of embarrassment. He also yelled at Brynley, doused Madeleine in soup, and only got two points in the end, but give the man some credit.
Brynley Stent’s just deserts. (s1 ep10)
As a proof-reader by trade, I tip my hat to Brynley for being the only one to spot the desert/dessert trick in the task Make the best desert out of the dessert items. That would’ve been enough to secure the 5 points, but she also made a delightful oasis.
Leigh Hart ignores the task, makes a cheese toastie instead (s1 ep10)
Perhaps I’m committing a crime by not highlighting the cocktail Leigh Hart leaf blow-ed into Paul’s face, but I’d argue no task harnessed Hart’s aloof energy better than: Commit a crime. You may not break the law. Seemingly not knowing what to do, or what the task even meant, the roulette wheel in his brain somehow landed on Make Cheese Toastie. Paul earnestly called it the best toastie he’s ever had.
Urzila Carlson slip, slop, smashed it. (s2 ep2)
It was originally meant to be a tie-breaker: squirt the sunscreen the farthest. Simple. Except, most of the contestants overthunk it, from David’s slipstream contraption to Laura’s brittle mug method, and spoiled their one shot with meagre distances. Then Urzila rocks up and hammers the dispenser with the power of Mjölnir, shooting sunscreen roughly 547km to dominate the task. Flawless execution.
Laura “steal yo’ girl” Daniel (s2 ep4)
There’s an easy way to do the most impressive stolen item prize task (e.g. David pinched his flatmates’ shoe rack). And then there’s the Laura Daniel way: orchestrating an elaborate string of “stealing” other people’s partners and, one by one, delivering the evidence as the prize. Only Urzila was spared this masterclass in heart thievery.
David Correos has bars, and maybe a restraining order. (s2 ep6)
“I’m gonna drown you, in your own blood. Hold your face down, in your own blood.” That was just the catchy little warm-up to human hurricane David Correos’s contribution to the team task Create a diss track about the members of the other team. “A lot of it was un-broadcast-able,” Guy Montgomery claimed, though what did make the cut were still direct threats of physical harm to Urzila Carlson and Matt Heath so vivid, the guilt-riddled David gave them both meat packs in the studio as an apology. Unhinged in the truest sense, this was one for the books.
Matt Heath finally found a hack. (s2 ep9)
Matt successfully cut the corner of a task involving an X to find, a list of directions with annoyingly obtuse forms of measurement, and a faulty compass given to any sucker who asked for one. He smelled the rat, kicked it in the gutter, and took a punt at the X being in the exact spot they all started in. He bloody picked it and looked like a champion in the moment (he would eventually come 4th in the season overall).
Guy Montgomery’s Guy Mont Love Island (s2 ep9)
“Would you like to come on a whirlwind adventure,” Guy teases right before he goes to Take Paul on the perfect first date to a greenscreen where they sip non-alcoholic piña coladas in “Miami,” see Paul’s favourite football squad Fulham win the champion’s league with more piña coladas in “Barcelona”, then finish in “Paris” with the remnants of piña coladas. After sharing a cute giggle, Guy makes a move, feels a vibe shift, aborts, then asks, “We could greenscreen you up a cab?” A whirlwind adventure, indeed.
Justine Smith’s Street. (s3 ep2)
I don’t think anyone fully understood the exit part of the Make a dramatic exit task—Kura did a monologue, Josh kicked a woman*, Paul made “sauce tits,” and Chris shot himself with a water gun—except Justine. Channelling the spirit of Shortland Street, she yelled her line and smashed a drum before leaving in a puff of smoke. Glorious. Full credit to Justine. Literally. The post-scene credits have her name on everything.
Kura Forrester, saviour of dickheads. (s3 ep6)
Everyone got the same marks for the task Transform into an original superhero and save Paul. But Kura, embodying the persona Dr. Dicksaver who saves dickheads from doing dickheadish things, took an extra reward by making Paul look like a dickhead over and over again—then telling him off. Chewing too loudly? Finger wag. Littering? A stern talking to. Being a know-it-all? “Fuck off.” Cathartic stuff.
Paul Ego reveals the secret to his wealth. (s3 ep7)
The most ardent fan will recognise the Give Paul money task as a deep cut reference to the UK version’s early days and it’s as simple as it sounds. Paul Ego, presumably the wealthiest of the five due to his status as both a comedy veteran and resident of Devonport, was expected to crush them all with catapults of cash. But like a tax-dodging global tech giant, Ego swiftly and confidently refused to cough up. He lost the task but his financially inferior peers felt like the true losers on the day. There’s a lesson in there somewhere.
Chris Parker’s big box of mystery. (s3 ep9)
Aside from Brad Pitt, who doesn’t love a mysterious box? That was Chris’s submission for the Baffling mystery prize task. This one takes some explaining: After making a dummy best friend and subsequently killing them (re: episode 8, it was a whole thing), the following ep tasked the contestants to hide the body from Paul. The others sought hiding places. Chris opted to take the body and leave the vicinity. At the end of the VT, Chris opened the box and pulled out the body—an incredible reveal.
“Well alriiiiiiiiight!” (s3 ep9)
Josh Thomson—a very smart, naturally awkward man—delivered plenty of memorable Taskmaster moments, but I defy anyone to find a more iconic summation of his time as a contestant than the unnaturally enthusiastic way he says, “Well alriiiiiiiiight!” Impulsively yelling it in ep 4’s team task, he then had to explain the catchphrase in ep 9 when he put it on his genderless cereal (a real you-had-to-be-there moment). He’d bring it back one more time when he triumphantly lifts the TM trophy (before almost losing his handle of it).
Melanie Bracewell acts like a cat, becomes filled with shame. (s4 ep1)
Melanie is very, very good at Taskmaster. Perhaps that’s why her lowest point, the Do the most unpredictable thing at the end of the 500 second timer task, is such a standout. Granted, the idea of putting on feline ears, crawling around like a cat, and licking a bowl of milk on the ground is as unpredictable as it is humiliating. Unfortunately, Mel did this 120 seconds too early, rendering it all meaningless. Then she left, came back when she was meant to, and dumped actual rubbish on herself. She got five points and “a deep depression.”
Bubbah cheats on Bubbah with Bubbah in front of Bubbah (s4 ep5 & 6)
With the help of the post-production team, Bubbah weds herself in the Get married task. It was a solid 3-point effort. Then came Break up your marriage, and in a brilliant moment of yes and-ing yourself, Bubbah reprises her roles as the newlyweds as well as a homewrecking lover who gets shot by the jealous Bubbah in front of Bubbah and Bubbah’s child (also Bubbah). We’d see Bubbah take on dual roles again in episode 9 for a duet—also excellent.
Dai Henwood: table tennis titan. (s4 ep7)
Contestants had to win one point in table tennis against Paul (who has clearly been practicing). Lose a point and receive a punishment. This caused most contestants to blast through outfit changes, use terrible racket alternatives, and make Paul sandwiches (rude). Then Dai comes along, instantly scores a point, prepares for Round 2, looks puzzled, then realises he’s already won. As Wells put it: “We’ve never seen someone so good at the task that they’re confused they’ve even completed the task.”
Cool Ray (s4 ep7)
Ray O’Leary is not what you’d call a “conventionally cool guy” but even then, putting on a pair of shades, smoking a rolled sheet of A4 paper, and calling himself Cool Ray to Make this teenager think you’re cool lowered a bar that was already on the ground. This should not have worked to any degree and yet it was undeniably not-as-uncool as a teacher rapping (Karen), a bus driver telling people off (Mel), and a middle-aged man doing a cartwheel (Dai). Simply incredible.
Karen O’Leary’s egg-emplary tactics. (s4 ep10)
Roll an egg from the desk and into your locker. This one looked painful when done like a normie—i.e. meticulously finding ways and objects to help the egg roll down a set of stairs without it breaking. In a clean display of lateral thinking, Karen bypassed all that nonsense and brought the locker up to the egg. Straight in. No fuss. 5 points.
The Tofiga trifecta. (s5 ep1,3 & 6)
Tofiga Fepulea’i moved at the speed of apathy, which often held him back in time-sensitive tasks. But that patience and extra thinking time did gave him a leg-up on three key occasions: the roof task, where he was the only person to bypass the ceiling from the start; the blindfolded over-the-wall marshmallow catch, where he was the only person to do it properly; and the tricksy pirate map mission, where he was the only person to remove the audible task from the cassette player and read the proper instructions on the tape. Special shout-out to his outstanding biopic on our soap-eating Prime Minister Christopher Luxon.
Ben Hurley pulls off the greatest moment in Aotearoa history—twice (s5 ep2)
This task was Jenga. They couldn’t say it, but I can. There were a whole bunch of other conditions to it, and one of those forced Ben to try whack a peg out from a distance with a tennis ball. This was close to impossible, but the man—nay, the legend—bloody knocked the bastard off. Paul’s jaw has never been lower. It was that glorious. Jeremy was right to call it the country’s greatest achievement, and Ben was correct in re-doing it for the Relive the best moment of your life task, where he was unjustly underscored.
The many faces of Hayley Sproull. (s5 ep4)
The team task Build the tallest skyscraper out of boxes required the supplier to do an impression to give the builder another box. While the team of three had two suppliers/impressionists, Hayley took that role completely on her shoulders and dominated her rivals with a crushing cavalcade of caricatures. Let Sproull star in a new Orphan Black.
Tom Sainsbury actually made soap. (s5 ep7)
Like the Make Marmite task in the UK version, no-one’s expected to get remotely close to achieving the objective: Make soap. Sure enough, two contestants got instant DQs for using soap in their soap while Ben Hurley’s pink liquid fat concoction arguably made your hands more disgusting. And yet, beyond every reasonable expectation, Tom somehow made legitimate-looking, heart-shaped soap. Even he doesn’t quite know how he pulled this one off.
Abby Howells in concert with a red death jazz solo. (s5 ep7)
The VT Create an original instrument led to one of the show’s greatest live tasks: On your original instrument, perform a jazz solo with this band. Everyone looked silly in the best way here, but Abby—with her masked instrument called Red Death—was the absolute crescendo. It may not have referenced Les Mis or dying at childbirth (as far as I know), but seeing Abby don a chrome skull faceplate while blowing a party whistle and smacking herself in the head with a stick to freestyle jazz is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in my life.
Bree Tomasel crushes her second chance at teenagehood. (s6 ep3)
To Recreate an uncomfortable teenage moment with a different outcome, Bree swiftly did an entire coming-of-age movie in a single minute. Driver’s licence? Passed in one go. School grades? A++ marks. Parents? Proud. All this in just one day AND she snogged a (faux) Jonas brother to a (faux) Jonas brothers track. Why watch three seasons of The Summer I Turned Pretty when you can get the same feelings from Paul wearing a mop wig and saying, “You’re just so… noticeable.”
Alice Snedden’s allergic to Paul’s bullshit. (s6 ep6 & 8)
In episode 6, Alice could sense something was up in Paul’s brutally boring story told in between filmed tasks. Sure enough, they had to recall it for a live task and she was the only one to memorise any details. Alice got another tingle of Paul’s trickery in the Create new numbers task, which Alice jotted down for a follow-up duck-throwing game. Initially, getting further and further away from the target goal of 43 with some bad throws, Alice incredibly wrangled the score back to get closer than anyone else. A Rainbow’s End-worthy rollercoaster ride.
Jack Ansett’s trick party party trick. (S6 ep8)
While the other contestants did a typical party trick for the Best party trick task, Jack pivoted to a different reading of the term by luring Paul into a fake birthday bash outside Taskmaster office hours. You can feel Paul’s pain and embarrassment as he realises he cleared his schedule for a prank but, like a professional, clicked back into character to ask Jack if he was happy with his attempt (he was, boy was he). And if you think it’s cruel to disrupt someone’s daily life for a Taskmaster bit, let me point you to the Abraham Lincoln task in Season 2 Episode 6. Paul had this coming.
Pax Assadi teaches Jackie van Beek the way of the plane. (s6 ep10)
Jackie fully had her head in the game the entire season while Pax once opted to flunk a task and sun his butthole instead. But in a beautiful bit of role reversal, the finale of the season saw frontrunner Jackie—who’s never made a paper plane and was confronted with a daunting paper-plane-heavy live task—seek the guidance of the dead-last Pax, seemingly an engineer in aeronautics, to contest with Jack, who was closing in on Jackie’s lead. In the space of mere minutes, Pax managed to guide Jackie to victory twice, leading to a Jack-Jackie standoff. And while her final plane bombed, it did so with exceptional comedic timing.
If you did the maths, you’d realise Jackie could’ve flunked and sunned her butthole too rather than take part in the live task and still won Jeremy’s golden head. However, in the moment, it was as thrilling as this silly show could get.
*a mannequin woman
