Review: Battleship

12 Apr 12


Take 'GI Joe' and 'Transformers' and an ancient, pre-digital, pre-video, pre-tty dull boardgame like Battleships and this is the sorry excuse for entertainment that you get. Big, brash and braindead. What next? 'Snakes & Ladders' the movie, starring Bruce Willis, The Rock, Angelina Jolie and Justin Bieber? 'Noughts & Crosses' in Imax 3D? Embarrassing to see Liam Neeson following up the dire 'Wrath of the Titans' with yet another "gimmie da money" role. Lucky for him, his appearances are brief. Taylor Kitsch does about all you can do as the chisel-chinned, two-dimensional hero dude and singer Rihanna blessedly doesn't sing. But a movie based on the game Battleships? Really? C'mon. It's 'Transformers' on the water by way of a recruitment ad' for the US Navy. Peter Berg has directed the good ('Friday Night Lights'), the OK ('The Kingdom'), and the awful ('Hancock') and now adds the absolutely dire to his resume with the floating turd that is 'Battlesh*te.' One star from my 6-year old. He loved it. But then he loved 'Alvin & The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked' - which is why he's banned from writing movie reviews... Still, if you enjoyed 'GI Joe' and 'Transformers' - go. You'll love it. Me? I'd rather stay home and play Battleships... yup, it's that bad.