Beaches ain't ready.
The comedy feature film resurrection of the iconic '90s California lifeguard drama series. Stars Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Alexandra Daddario and Priyanka Chopra.... More
Devoted lifeguard Mitch Buchannon (Johnson) butts heads with a brash new recruit (Efron). Together, they uncover a local criminal plot that threatens the future of the Bay.Hide
YOUR RATING & REVIEWWATCHLIST
BY Daniel Rutledge Flicks Writer
Hollywood sure is making a habit of learning the wrong lessons from its successes. Nobody wants all these shared universes, even if the Marvel one rules. And nobody wanted another R-rated take on a cult TV show - sure, 21 Jump Street was sweet, but CHiPs sure wasn't.... More
Baywatch isn't quite as bad, but it sure ain't great. It's a mess of a film that never quite decides what it wants to be, which wouldn't matter if way more of the jokes landed. The unrelentingly baffling choices are kind of fascinating, mostly triggering head scratches rather than belly laughs. Throw in some poorly edited fights, horrific visual effects along with shitty, pointless cameos and you get something almost unbearable.
There's just enough funniness in this oddity to keep it from being a complete failure, helped by occasionally impressive stylistic flourishes and the bottomless charm of The Great One himself [we believe Daniel is referring to Dwayne Johnson here - Ed.]. His female co-stars serve as window dressing, all that's asked of them, sadly, but they achieve it with aplomb.
Zac Efron, on the other hand, continues to be cast in movies for no good reason. He clearly worked out hard for this, developing a stunning physique that is about 10 percent as impressive as The Rock's... and he has about 2 percent of Johnson's charisma. It's nice to have Dwayne insult him in every single scene, but not nice enough to justify his being cast instead of someone funny.
Making a silly beach comedy filled with babes, dick jokes and fun action should be easy when in the right hands. Trying to needlessly tie one to a recognisable brand and using half a dozen writers or so makes it impossible. It's a huge misfire that somehow manages to be mildly enjoyable.Hide