Mamma Mia!

Review: Mamma Mia!

10 Feb 12

Mamma mia, make it stop! For the love of God! Make it STOP!!!!!

"The horror... The horror..." Colonel Kurtz's last words in APOCOLYPSE NOW kept playing through my mind as I sat in abject horror and suffered the sheer mind-numbing banality of this Abbatastic torture. For this reviewer, hell is not a place of flames we descend to after we die. No. Hell is a cinema endlessly looping this rainbow of trite sh*te masquerading as cinema. I loved PRISCILLA QUEEN OF THE DESERT - so it ain't the ABBA. Something evil lurks within this, and I don't just mean the sight and sound of Pierce Brosnan's singing either...

"Any cinem screening this should be forced to hang up warning signs: "Highly Toxic" and then a smiley face beneath which is written: "Abandon hope all ye who enter here."

That said, I know people over 50 and young girls who loved it. And Justin Bieber sells records. So what the f**k do I know? I know this though - if anyone tries to make me watch MAMMA MIA again I'll gouge my own eyes out with a rusty spoon and eat them.

Not joking.

Spoon - eyes - eat.