Rock of Ages

Review: Rock of Ages

14 Jun 12

Cack of the Aged

If you enjoyed 'Mamma Mia!' or 'Burlesque' stop reading and go see 'Rock of Ages'... ok?

Are they gone now? Is it safe? Ok...

If 'Mamma Mia!' and 'Burlesque' are the zombies of movies, then their undead, foot-dragging, flesh-drooping, braindead spawn is this horrific bilge that's less akin to a movie and more like an aged, wrinkly, unwanted guest at a party vomiting into your face for two hours. Whereas the Broadway musical on which it was based knew that the 80s soft-pop-glam-rock it contained could be cheesy fun - this movie version is so devoid of fun that it's as if director Adam Shankman (he of 'Hairspray' and, er... 'The Pacifier') was completely unaware of his source material or what made it a success. As for Tom Cruise, well, what may have worked in small doses is totally overdone, and the Cruise is overused. But he's not alone in outstaying his welcome - Catherine Zeta-Jones is as cloying and annoying as ever; Russell Brand is a pain in the proverbials and even the usually reliable Alec Baldwin, Paul Giamatti and Bryan Cranston can do little to gild this musical turd.

That said - if you enjoyed 'Mamma Mia!' or 'Burlesque' go see. You'll most likely love it. Me? I'd rather gouge out my eyes with a rusty spoon than be subjected to this trite mess again... but then 'Mamma Mia!' induced me to projectile vomit and 'Burlesque' put me into a six-week coma, so what do I know?