Friday Five: How to Fix 3D

Whether you’re an avid 3D fanboy or a non-believer proudly wielding a dead-horse-beating stick, you have to acknowledge that the medium has seen both improvements and drawbacks within this past year.

Here at Flicks, we’re split in both parties. Some of us like the extra dimension, some of us despise it. But one thing we do have in common is an undying love for our own opinions. We’ve all left at least one 3D screening feeling more ripped-off than rewarded. So, here are five ways 3D needs to lift its game and stop lifting our wallets.

1. Planning the shots

It worked for: Kung Fu Panda 2

Dreamworks earns the big fat smiley face sticker in this regard. Every scene is planned to make full use of the extra dimension, from the stringent organisation of a massive crowd of minions to the precise camera movement of the interior of a sky-scraping tower.

Furthermore, these ‘wowser’ moments are spread evenly throughout the film, never letting you forget the extra depth as well as justifying the ridiculousness of wearing plastic glasses in a cinema.

2. Not relying on post

It didn’t work for: Saw 3D

When a movie is prepping to undergo 3D treatment, it should fully affect the director’s filmmaking decisions. It’s not that post-production 3D conversion doesn’t work (The Nightmare Before Christmas 3D), it’s just that most directors fail to comprehend the 3D-ness, choosing instead to shoot traditionally and simply hoping the post-production team will sort the 3D out.

Most of the time, it doesn’t work.

It’s also not enough to chuck in two or three cheap 3D shots as hopeless ‘trailer fodder’.

3. Context, context, context

It didn’t work for: The Green Hornet

It’s simple really: if your film isn’t an elaborate/creative spectacle, isn’t animated or isn’t overtly mocking 3D in a meta way, don’t shoehorn the extra dimension.

4. For the love of God, no gimmicks

It only worked for: Jackass 3D (and probably A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas)

http://youtu.be/jIypprUDU38

You know why we don’t go to 3D screenings? To simulate being poked or stabbed in the face.

It’s a common occurrence to have the simple 3D ‘staples’ shoved into your lenses while everything else is brutally ignored. Why can’t you show us more depth of the sweeping landscape? Why is that yarning streak of light flat? Oh, look, someone’s spitting water directly at the camera…

5. Befriending James Cameron

It worked for: Sanctum

You know how James Cameron has that fancy-pants 3D camera that’s more expensive than your life? Well, I’m sure if you buy him a nice hamper basket, shake his hand and wear your Piranha 2: The Spawning t-shirt, he’ll grow pretty fond of you.

Keep this up for a year or two and, perhaps over a couple of beers, you’ll just casually throw in the question “Don’t ‘spose I could borrow your cool camera for this little thing I’m working on, Jimmy ol’ pal?”

He’ll obviously say yes. Thus, you can make your terrible underwater caving movie in glorious 3D.