I’ve never been a big New Year’s Eve fan. And no, I am not referring to New Year’s Eve, the movie that confirmed to the cinema-going public that Garry Marshall has gone full senile. I’m talking about the most anti-climactic holiday of the year.
I usually spend the night at my grandma’s watching music video countdowns of party tunes while getting quietly drunk on Lindauer. One year I was sent away with extended family because my parents went away without me, so I ended up eating a whole thing of Ferrero Rocher’s alone while watching the Food channel and sulking. In hindsight, it was probably one of the best New Year’s I’ve had to date.
I suppose the point I’m trying to make is that New Year’s is a holiday that you should enjoy any way you want. I hate feeling the pressure of having to go out and have a fun time with other people. Don’t bow to peer pressure! Feel free to stay at home and watch movies and eat the rest of the near-expired Christmas ham in your fridge, you deserve it.
So in light of the recent celebrations, I began to aimlessly search for ‘best new year’s eve movies EVER’ on Google for a possible leg up on my New Year’s plans for 2013. My search led me to this article on About.com, a website made by old people for other old people who don’t entirely understand how the Internet works. This particular article entitled ‘Top Ten New Year’s Movies To Watch Together’ was written by About.com marriage experts Bob and Sheri Stritof, pictured below.
Marriage experts they may be, but film experts? Perhaps not. Let’s have a look at their picks.
When Harry Met Sally (1989)
“This movie has a great New Year’s Eve scene, a fun plot, along with fun segments from actors portraying real life stories of married couples. Stars include Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan, Carrie Fisher, and Bruno Kirby.”
Great start Bob and Sheri, or as a tabloid magazine would refer to you as – Beri or Shob. I like Shob; I’m going to stick with that one. I honestly love this movie, probably because it stars Meg Ryan when she was cool and Billy Crystal when his receding hairline was at an acceptable level of attractiveness.
I really like how the mini review specifies ‘this movie has a great New Year’s Eve scene’. I think more critics should do that. I’d love to see Roger Ebert review a movie like Spartacus this way. “This film has a great scene where Laurence Olivier asks who Spartacus is and then Tony Curtis says ‘I’m Spartacus!’ and then another guy says, ‘No, I’m Spartacus!’ and then everyone starts yelling, ‘I’m Spartacus!’ 4 stars.”
Holiday Inn (1942)
“Great music, great dancing, and lots of holidays and romance. One of our favourite movies starring Fred Astaire and Bing Crosby.”
Great choice, and one of my favourite films to watch during the holidays as well. Me and Bob and Sheri could totally hang out if they like movies like this. Ignoring the super racist Mamee character and black face George Washington birthday performance, this is a delightful romp with Fred and Bing and two other ladies who never really became famous.
Also, I like to imagine that in the photo above, Fred is saying to Bing, ‘Bitches be crazy!‘
Bundle of Joy (1956)
“Debbie Reynolds and Eddie Fisher have a lot of miscommunication problems, but fall in love anyway.”
Someone slap a ‘SPOILER ALERT!’ on that synopsis! Such a detailed description can often deter one from watching the film, which is why I did not bother watching this film. However I did watch the trailer, and I do predict that this movie will probably be remade into a film starring Katherine Heigl and Topher Grace in the next five years. Garry Marshall will direct this film from beyond the grave.
I’m not quite sure why they included this on the list, since it doesn’t appear to have anything to do with New Year’s Eve. I like to think they purposely chose a movie with Eddie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds as a lesson in the detrimental effects that cheating on your wife with Elizabeth Taylor can have on your marriage. That joke was for everyone who was alive in 1959, which is the main demographic I’m going for here on this blog.
The Apartment (1960)
“Jack Lemmon, Shirley MacClaine and Fred MacMurray are great in this movie that has romance, drama, and comedy in the story of the complications that arise from not being honest in relationships.”
Woah! Way to get heavy on us, Shob! I thought this was a fun list of movie recommendations, not ‘Marriage 101: Learning how to Love with Bob and Sheri’! I sense a weird sort of passive aggressiveness in this description, almost as if the jab about not being honest in a relationship was actually directed to Bob. Maybe Bob was in charge of going and renting the DVDs, and he took like three hours to get them, and then Sheri’s like, “WHY DID YOU TAKE SO LONG BOB?” and Bob’s like, “I got stuck in traffic”, but really he went to the park for two and a half hours and sat on a park bench alone because he hates his wife so much.
About A Boy (2002)
“A New Year’s Eve party turns into a critical turning point when the main character meets the woman of his dreams. Starring Hugh Grant and Toni Collette.”
Now, I’m starting to get the feeling that instead of recommendations for movies to watch on New Year’s, Sheri (and to a lesser extent Bob – I feel like she carries the weight of the writing in the working relationship) has simply googled ‘New Year’s’ and ‘Movie’ to find something to write about. Of course, googling ‘New Year’ and ‘Movie’ is exactly how I came to write this blog, but that’s not the point. I’m starting to highly doubt Bob and Sheri’s a.k.a. Shob’s expertise in both film, and dare I say it, marriage.
UPDATE: Just found out that Bob and Sheri were once DIVORCED. You heard it. Disregard all these recommendations, these people are frauds. Sorry to waste your time, I’m off to write an angry letter to About.com. I’ll leave you with a photo of Bob preparing portobello mushrooms.
Be yourselves,
Rose
